There’s been a lot of talk in churches in recent years about spiritual fathers and mothers, and how necessary they are for the younger generation. I thought here I’d give some practical tips and thoughts on spiritual mothers and fathers – what they are, what they are not, and how a spiritual child can/should respond to a mother or father in their life. I’m not trying to be exclusive here; these are just a few musings, and there is much more that could be said on the subject. Also, I’m not going to try and show from the Bible why this is important; there are plenty such arguments on the internet, and I want to spend my time helping you practically walk out a spiritual parent/child relationship.

Spiritual Mother/Father Relationship is Not Just About Age

I’ve known spiritual fathers and mothers who were only a few years older than their spiritual son/daughter. And also spiritual children who were older than the mother/father in their life. When we require a certain age for a spiritual parent/child relationship, we risk missing out both on what God is doing and also the wisdom of those who are more mature in a given area but maybe not in the number of years they’ve spent on earth.

Spiritual Fathers and Mothers are Both Necessary – for Both Genders

Many studies have been done in the secular world that show the stablest homes with the children most likely to succeed have two parents at home. Now, we all know that’s not always an option, and there’s no judgment in my statement here. But I’d like to point out that spiritual daughters need both spiritual fathers and spiritual mothers. Similarly, a spiritual son also needs spiritual fathers and spiritual mothers. We’ve created a gender segregation in the church, and while it can help avoid certain issues, it also leaves spiritual orphans trying to succeed in a type of single-parent environment.

Spiritual Fathers/Mothers Should Be Mature

No one is perfect, but they should have enough spiritual maturity in one or more areas to accurately communicate the Bible in an honoring way. (Note that I’ve known people who were teaching the best they knew, and God used it, but they have since realized just how little they understood at that point – there are times where “maturity” is relative. Which brings me to my next point…)

Spiritual Mothers/Fathers Need to be Growing, Themselves

No one has “arrived” when it comes to walking with God. You can mature in some areas, but there is always more to explore. If a mother/father wants to teach, they need to be teachable, themselves, or they’re setting themselves up to fail with their spiritual children (because an unteachable person cannot allow their protegee to grow and mature more than themselves).

Spiritual Sons/Daughters Must be Teachable

Have you ever had a son or daughter who refused to be taught? It wasn’t a fun relationship, and it wasn’t a successful relationship. One of the biggest things spiritual sons and daughters can bring to the table is the willingness to listen and learn.

Spiritual Mothers/Fathers Should Listen to their Children

If you’re having a conversation, information flows both ways. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who just grunts or offers monosyllables that show they’re listening? That wasn’t a conversation; it was a monologue. There’s so much that a child can teach a parent if the parent is listening, and it’s true in spiritual relationships, too. (This doesn’t mean that the child dictates the relationship – that’s not parenting, either – just that there is healthy and beneficial communication flowing both directions.)

Realize the Value of Time – This Relationship Won’t Last Forever

Just as a child grows up, goes to college, gets married, and leaves home to forge their own life, so spiritual children will likely not stick around forever. A spiritual daughter/son and spiritual parents both must recognize that this is a precious season and be ready to let go with honor and grace when the season is over. That said, family is still family! Just because a mature child is on their own in the world doesn’t mean that they don’t have the support and love of the rest of the family.

This is getting very long, so I’ll dive deeper into some of the harder topics of spiritual mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters next week!