This morning, the verse that popped up in my Bible app was “The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25). Or perhaps a more literal translation, “The liberal soul shall be made fat; And he that watereth shall be watered also himself.”
What struck me about the passage this morning was the idea of refreshing others in order to find refreshing, ourselves. One of my family members understands this gift very well. She can walk up beside you, understand what you’re going through, and offer words of encouragement that are exactly what you need to hear. She’s also one of the most joy-filled people I’ve ever met.
This type of gift takes practice – just because you sense what someone is going through doesn’t mean you know what to say. It doesn’t mean that you’ve accessed God’s heart for them (yet). And just because you know what to say doesn’t mean you know why you’re saying it. Practice is partnering with God for what He sees and feels and wants to communicate to each person around you.
Here are a few practical ways that we can refresh the people around us:
- Treat them the way God sees them (this takes first praying and seeking God for how He sees them – chances are that it won’t be their weaknesses and distresses anywhere near as often as He sees the amazing person He is making them become).
- Observe the way they encourage others or what makes them light up. Which love language does this indicate about them? (Most people love others with the love language that is most important to them.) Do practical things for them that meet that love language.
- Just listen to them. Most people need an unbiased, unjudgmental ear now and then.
- Say, “Thank you.” Some people hate this, but showing your appreciation for what they have done is a very effective way to refresh their spirits: “What I did was appreciated; the work wasn’t in vain!”
- Talk positively about them to other people. Honor breeds honor. Even if they don’t hear your words, it still lifts them up and refreshes their spirits.
- Make an effort to do something nice for them. Maybe it’s just stopping by with a jar of homemade soup or bringing them a coffee when they walk in the door at church. (Mind you, I’m not a fan of soup and I can’t drink coffee, so be sure whatever you do is meaningful to them!)
- Grow encouragement in yourself. That means shifting your worldview from seeing everything that’s wrong to intentionally looking for the good. Do it in your personal life, as well as externally with others, and you’ll grow in refreshing by leaps and bounds!
- Give them a smile. Often, people just need a little bit of joy to bring them a lot of joy in their day.
“But I keep giving and giving encouragement, and I’m not getting any refreshing back!” There are two things I’d say to this. First, are you trying to refresh others only for the purpose of getting something in return? Remember the first part of the verse: “The generous will prosper.” It’s hard to be generous when you’re only doing it for your own benefit! Second, are you allowing others to refresh you? It can be so easy to get into the mode of giving to others that we lose our capacity to receive. You can’t give what you don’t have, so unless you’re being refreshed somehow (through others and through time spent with God), you’ll run low on fuel pretty quickly.
Learning to refresh others is a journey, and somewhere along the way, it’s likely that someone won’t appreciate your efforts. Don’t give up! Being a source of refreshment will make the others around you happier and more peaceful in general, meaning that your environment grows more refreshing, as well. Besides, to quote the family member I spoke of earlier, “It’s happier to be happy!”
